What am I?

Recently a second generation Chinese American asked me "What is your favorite foreign country?" I said "United States, that's why I'm here". The person looked at me with a surprising face: "You have been living here so long and you haven't considered this country as home?". I'm also surprised that I've never tought about America as home, although I've considered Los Angeles as my second hometown. But anyways, how can I call this country home when I have to leave it within a month if I ever lose a job?

However, this is my 6th year in the US. It's not long enough to turn me into an American, but it's long enough to turn me into something that is not a pure Taiwanese. I seldom watched Asian TV shows nor Chinese newspapers ever since I got to the US. My favorite TV show now is "Will and Grace". This kind of lifestyle made me a person who has forgotten some traditional Asian roles. Some of the US culture has been creeping into my head unconsiously. I found it rediculous when I heard my friend in Taiwan have to leave the elevator asap when his boss comes into the same elevator. I found it dull to see all Asian faces in Taipei subway. I found it natual to see "queers" kissing each other on the streets. I found it comfotable to step into an elevator with all kinds of skin colors.

When did I change myself? I don't remember. However, I can't forget the moment when I saw the movie "Lost in Translations". It just dramatically reminded me the culture shock I had when I first arrived in the US. Now I have culture shocks when I go back to Taiwan.

Yet the 6 years in US hasn't fit me into its culture. I have no clues and no sense of participation about what the politicians in the country are doing. I have hard time speaking good English especially business English. And I still find it odd and unnatural to attend a cocktail party where people greet each other so pretentially with a "How are you? honey".

I've seen bad examples of people not adapting themselves in their immigrant countries nor picking up their original culture when they go back to their home countries. Some people ended up with social problems in either side of the two worlds. I'm so afraid that I'm gonna become some peron who is nothing, not a American, not a Taiwanese nor a Chinese. Maybe after couple years if I can still call myself a Californian, which is a mix of everything, then that might be good enough.

This post was originally finished in November, 2006.